An old familiar feeling showed up today. I noticed that whenever I step on my right foot, there is a click somewhere between my thoracic spine and shoulder on the left. Oh, right, my habits are happening.

I could tell you the whole backstory of this habit, all the history of it and how it’s connected to my left-handedness but also being a shy person with slight hypermobility.

Last night, I found myself in an unfortunate situation – driving home on back roads through a torrential thunderstorm. In that moment, I was driving home from work, and so thankful for my AT training.

I found my mind racing toward all sorts of what-ifs in what felt like a scary moment. What if lightning struck a tree nearby? What if said tree came crashing down across the road in front of me, dragging power lines with it? Or worse? I felt overwhelmed for a moment.

That UP really opened the floodgates. My nervous system softened, my eyes-refocused, my jaw re-integrated. Then, last week, I saw an image about how sound affects water, creating these elaborate patterns that vary distinctly depending on which note is played. What immediately followed was this question:

“If different sounds do this to water, what do they do to us???”

The image showed the difference between an A sharp, for instance, to a G major. The way you might sense the sound of a truck honking its horn as opposed to the hum of the clothes dryer.

So that sent me off vibrating for a bit.

Where is up and why? Sidenote: what’s it like to take your full height? Yes, I’m looking at you tallies and shorties and basically anyone.

The UP is the critical thing in this work – we are organized from the top down, supported from the ground up. (I heard this in a workshop from Meade Andrews who I believe learned it from Ted Diamond). And even after practicing the AT for nearly 20 (!!!) years, the UP is ALWAYS higher than I think it is.

Tonight, after a couple months off my usual lie-down practice (why? I don’t know) I was reminded of this, and reminded of the true length of my whole spine. By beginning at the space between the ears, behind the eyes, behind the face and inviting in the tiniest bit of ease, I started to connect with the ripple effect of anything on the spine, or even on the whole thing/body/self. That innate snakiness. By letting go at either end of the spine, the spaces in between that might have been holding on have somewhere to let go into.

This is where the support is crucial – the connection and release and rebound through gravity. Otherwise, as a hypermobile human, with all this letting go I could float away or just overdo it. [Also the domes come in for rebound support here, but more on that another day!]

The floor provides feedback, a container to release into and suspend above. And all this with no spirals – who am I today? Ok – but this is because the spirals (nodding no) happen lower in the spine than the nodding yes – better to get that UP going sometimes (although you really, truly can start anywhere).

Knowing where the UP is is really about not KNOWING. No sooner do I ‘find it’ than it changes again, in relationship to each micro-movement, in relationship to the WHOLE and to gravity. But unless I take the time to STOP and sense that easy space, behind the eyes, behind the face, at the top of the spine, I shrink myself. This can add compression, pain, and narrows my experience of my environment and relationships.

This shrinking could be a social construct, those mirror neurons telling me to meet the world as we anticipate it to be. But what if I stay up? And let it come to me?

So…full disclosure…i had a back spasm the other morning. i could share more with you about that story but instead let’s talk about a way through…